Let's Start Over

My niece was just born. My life has been pretty crazy, too. Over the last year I've gained nearly 20 pounds and I am completely unhappy with myself.

I know how it started, too.

Before I left for BMT, I was 133 pounds of soft baby fat at a nice 27.5" waist. When I weighed myself after such, I was a 25" waist and 114 pounds. I hadn't menstruated since and chalked that up to the sudden weight loss, and decided to gain some weight back. I gained about 5 pounds and finally had a cycle, but then mysteriously after that, I wasn't having them. I decided this was because of stress, but rather than sit and wait I went to my doctor and she diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I don't know if this is common among women, but I know it is the cause for small breasts, cysts in the ovaries, and can be a reason for trouble with conceiving. It also brings a few other health issues with it - such as a higher chance of developing type 2 diabetes.

Well, despite this, I mostly ignored the diagnosis. The "cure" (it's not really a cure, but it is a way to control the situation), was birth control. I was pretty on board with this. Of all the options presented to me, I decided on the pill. Implanon was a little thing they implanted in your arm - absolutely not for me. Nuvarings and the like were also presented, but I also said absolutely not to those. It was decided that oral contraceptives were the best choice for me and so that is what I am now taking. My weight has steadily gone up, but I cannot in any way blame the birth control alone. Despite fairly healthy eating habits, I have noticed over the last few months that I cannot have cheat days. I can't eat in excess. These things undo everything. Going out to eat a mexican dinner plate with co-workers is a no go for me. I have no self control with these things and feel compelled to eat everything in front of me.

So this is a blog to control myself. To write down why I don't go to the gym, or why I did go to the gym, and what I ate. I've already created a weekly meal planner that I'll adjust over time... and I know it will be hard because I love my cream-based soups and sauces, pastas, and my mac and cheese. But I want to be healthy and strong and not hate myself.

So here it goes. Let's get strong.