A Kind of Excuse

Today I made the decision not to workout.

It made me think of the phrase (or proverb): "I always regretted it when I don't exercise. I never regret it when I do. I've never had a workout where I felt guilty I went."

I chose not to because I have an appointment at 7 for an eyebrow waxing. I exercised yesterday and got so excited I did not sleep until 12 and I was awake at 6am. If I exercised, that means removal of makeup, getting sweaty, showering, re-applying makeup, driving to the appointment, going, coming home, showering again / washing face again, all before having dinner. I waited until very late for dinner yesterday and it about killed me.

I have decided that to compensate for this, after I return from my appointment (I really, really hate that I had to change it to weekday evenings...), I've showered, flossed, brushed teeth, and rinsed, that I will go to bed an hour earlier to wake up an hour earlier and do my cardio workout then. Then after work I will continue on. I don't think a single twice-a-day will do much hard when one will be cardio and the other strength training.

Now to just hold myself to it.

On the upside, I've been very good about my diet. I have decided that despite my absolute LOVE for the yolk in eggs, I need to give it up, which I have. Sadly. Mornings are either egg whites scrambled or egg white omelet with spinach and tomato and sometimes avocado. I have been eating chicken (which I really do hate), and raw salmon (which I love, but only when extremely fresh). I found quinoa and made a pound of that to eat. I've been eating fruit throughout the day and even got some ham, green beans, and potatoes together for my crock-pot party.

Either way, there's progress. This isn't a setback, just a workaround,

Let's Start Over

My niece was just born. My life has been pretty crazy, too. Over the last year I've gained nearly 20 pounds and I am completely unhappy with myself.

I know how it started, too.

Before I left for BMT, I was 133 pounds of soft baby fat at a nice 27.5" waist. When I weighed myself after such, I was a 25" waist and 114 pounds. I hadn't menstruated since and chalked that up to the sudden weight loss, and decided to gain some weight back. I gained about 5 pounds and finally had a cycle, but then mysteriously after that, I wasn't having them. I decided this was because of stress, but rather than sit and wait I went to my doctor and she diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I don't know if this is common among women, but I know it is the cause for small breasts, cysts in the ovaries, and can be a reason for trouble with conceiving. It also brings a few other health issues with it - such as a higher chance of developing type 2 diabetes.

Well, despite this, I mostly ignored the diagnosis. The "cure" (it's not really a cure, but it is a way to control the situation), was birth control. I was pretty on board with this. Of all the options presented to me, I decided on the pill. Implanon was a little thing they implanted in your arm - absolutely not for me. Nuvarings and the like were also presented, but I also said absolutely not to those. It was decided that oral contraceptives were the best choice for me and so that is what I am now taking. My weight has steadily gone up, but I cannot in any way blame the birth control alone. Despite fairly healthy eating habits, I have noticed over the last few months that I cannot have cheat days. I can't eat in excess. These things undo everything. Going out to eat a mexican dinner plate with co-workers is a no go for me. I have no self control with these things and feel compelled to eat everything in front of me.

So this is a blog to control myself. To write down why I don't go to the gym, or why I did go to the gym, and what I ate. I've already created a weekly meal planner that I'll adjust over time... and I know it will be hard because I love my cream-based soups and sauces, pastas, and my mac and cheese. But I want to be healthy and strong and not hate myself.

So here it goes. Let's get strong.